The Times They Are A Changin...
There is a new royal baby in England and, all around, people are talking about him. Many were just as worried about the baby and his parents, as with when his uncle Prince William would finally meet his nephew. The longer the wait, the greater the speculation on whether or not a supposed rift between Prince William and, the baby’s father, his brother Prince Harry had been resolved.
We have no evidence at all that rift ever occurred, except that “William and Harry have grown apart recently…” as the tabloids have published.
To me this is evidence of how little we understand the natural changes that occur in each other’s lives, how quick we are to judge others, how driven to emit our opinions on matters we know nothing about, the attention we pay to issues that do not affect us at all, and the power our emotional perspective has on how we view things which are not of our concern but seem to obsess us.
William and Harry, in my opinion, are behaving like any other two brothers whose love for one another has not diminished, but find themselves evolving into adulthood and the changes which come with it. Courtship, marriage, fatherhood, new jobs and responsibilities, do any of those ring a bell?
I find it fascinating how when we fall in love, we expect our family and friends to fall in love as quickly and as passionately with the object of our affection as we did. In-Laws do not necessarily turn into family by a ceremony legally and lawfully binding.
At least, not in our hearts and minds. Yes, we accept them. Yes, we try to get closer and include them. Yes, we decide to make them feel welcome because of the love we feel for those who have been in our lives longer, but it takes time, and it is okay, and not necessarily a sign of trouble, but a natural evolution from one state to the next. Relationships are forged in time.
Our family has seen us at our best but also at our worst. Sometimes it is not pretty.
It is only natural that we are all hesitant to allow another into that private and closed group too quickly. So, we wait. We wait for an invitation instead of going to our sibling’s home unannounced, open the fridge, and shout, “What’s for dinner?” As we may very well had done before without a thought. We wait to get to know the new addition and find compatibility. We wait to earn their love and respect, and also wait for them to earn ours.
Should we call that a rift? Webster defines rift as a fissure, a fault, a estrangement. Which I believe may be overestimating the change in a family circle. Rift could also mean a space, an interval. And that definition is more accurate when applied to relationships. A space is created when the new addition to our lives gets settled, and an interval happens where we proceed to get to know each other.
If we do not reach closeness as quickly as the so called experts think we should, should that be cause for distress? No. Change in any situation, though difficult at times, when faced with optimism, courage, respect, and love will always bring more benefits than stagnation.
By trying to control everything and everyone around us, we only set ourselves up for disappointment, frustration, anger, and illness. We must remember that relationships are not built instantaneously. Much more healthy is to allow for people and circumstances that natural interval of change to occur. When faced with change in our lives whether it is because of marriage, divorce, a new job, retirement, a new baby, even illness and death, we should do well to face them with that optimism, that respect and that love for others.
It was John F. Kennedy who said, “ Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future.”
I believe he was referring to hope. So, we do what we can to alter our attitude and become open to change with hope on a brighter and healthier future awaiting us.
This is just my opinion…